"Am I screwing up my child?"
... Is this a question you ask? Is this something you worry about?
I remember when I started getting into self-development. I had all these epiphanies and insights into "why I was the way I was" and understood how I inherited certain beliefs and stories about myself from my childhood and how I was raised.
I went through this experience of having a greater understanding of my parents, and I was also judging their parenting.
I remember (before having kids), thinking, "I'll never do what my parents did! I'm going to make sure I don't screw up my kids!)".
It's an interesting statement - because underneath that statement would then have to be a belief that "I am screwed up. That something is broken and inherently wrong with me..."
When I became a parent, what I know is this.
I will make mistakes. Some things are going to be amiss. AND... if my focus is on avoiding history repeating itself by being consumed and worried that "I'm going to screw up" our child - what I resist will persist.
It's as though our biggest fear will be realised the more we obsess about it.
The quality of our life is based on the quality of our questions.
"Am I going to screw up my child?" - isn't a powerful question, AND it can weigh heavy on our hearts.
I'm going to propose a different question and invite you to take this question to be your guide instead.
"What would Love do?"
Simple question and powerful. This one question will change your parenting, change your relationship with your child, and heal your relationship to guilt, doubt, shame, and not trusting yourself.
Because... each time you falter, and you judge yourself... and you are fearful of "screwing up your child" - you continue to blame yourself. And from "blame" - you'll overcompensate - and then fuelling more guilt - and now you're a victim to your judgements.
YET - LOVE.. here is what LOVE would do when you falter.
Love would forgive. Love would choose compassion. LOVE would seek to understand.
...and LOVE is kind.
It is simple. And it is not easy....
...Because, for you to trust Love, you have to receive Love from you.
...and for you to receive Love from you, one must divorce the belief; "I am unworthy, and I am not enough."
Fear says, "I don't trust myself, and I'm going to screw up my child."
Love says, "Forgive. Give yourself and others grace. Choose kindness. Choose compassion. Seek to understand."
You're not broken. And you're not screwed up.
Your child really needs you to believe this.
There is nothing more loving than you healing your belief of feeling unworthy, not enough, and unconsciously playing out "I'm broken".
Yes, we are the guardian's of our children for a fleeting time, and yes, they will choose their journey.
We don't have control over how their journey turns out - and we have a profound influence.
Our influence will either be from a place of Fear or a place of Love.
I invite you to choose the latter - as I'm sure your child would too! :)