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I couldn't believe one day, when I looked into my baby's eyes, that I had had those thoughts in my mind that I had when I was laying in bed before I picked him up.
I know I was sleep deprived.
And I know that I felt really overwhelmed with two children in a very brief amount of time.
But it blew my mind that I could think those things inside of my head.
And I thought, oh my gosh, I think my mother always thought those things too.
And it was this weird moment.
I thought, "Wow, maybe I could forgive her."
But then later on in the day when she called, it just made me so mad.
Here's the truth.
You actually do have to forgive your mother (forgiveness isn't letting her off the hook for the pain that was projected).
Because if you don't, that moment is going to keep coming back …..and I know that you're sleep deprived, and I know that you've taken 98 courses, and I know that you forgave your mother once, but it didn't stick.
And here's the thing.
Ultimately, you're going to have to sit down and really face how that feels.
Now, I get that you have no time to do that, and no support, and if you lost it, your whole family would lose it.
So if you'd like to get on a phone call with me, and I will hold space for you.
So you can sob about all the ways in which she did not show up for you. I will be happy to do that.
In the meantime, here are three things you need to know about how you can prepare a space so that you can forgive your mom...
1. Feel the feelings.
You need to let your inner child scream. Stop abandoning, neglecting, rejecting and suppressing your inner child.
Let her scream, let her yell, let her rage.
Let her cry.
Feel it all.
Stop needing to be the good little girl or the perfect little girl that holds it all together.
2. You need to be able to feel the feelings and reparent yourself.
If you feel the feelings without reparenting yourself, you're going to be stuck with rage.
That's where most people get stuck. They're feeling the feelings without reparenting themselves.
You can't move forward. You need to be able to know how to reparent yourself.
If you have been doing inner child healing and you're still waiting for your parents to be someone they're not, to come and rescue you, to come and comfort you, and to give you what you needed as a child - here is truth.
Your parents can't give you what they don't have.
You're either going to reparent yourself, or you're going to continue waiting for something that isn't going to happen.
And as an adult, it's not your parent's responsibility to come and rescue you.
Without reparenting, you're addicted to blame and being a victim.
3. If you projected your rage or acted out your anger to your child, you need to apologize.
Be willing to hold yourself accountable and own your actions.
It's not okay to hit. It's not okay to hurt another human being because we're hurt.
Yes, it's what you grew up with. And that cycle can end with you.
So apologize to your child because they did absorb it, and it did hurt them, and you don't want them to turn out like your mother either. God bless your mom, right?
An apology from guilt isn't going to cut it.
A true apology needs to be centred in forgiveness.
If you're unable to forgive yourself, you're unable to forgive your mom.
So you if you need help with any of these three things because I get that it's a tall order - You want to know that I'm available for that.
I only work with people who are really committed to it.
And I know you might not have enough time and space, so you're welcome to save this if you'd like to come back and have me help you later on this.
But know that that little flicker of you can't believe what you were thinking this morning is exactly what your mother felt.
And it's gonna get worse.
So if you'd like to solve this, I know how it feels because that story was me.
Book a call here.
Sending love,
Yummii xx
PS You forgive your mother for YOU.
And this can't be done until you feel your inner child, reparent yourself and forgive yourself first.
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