Being disowned....

As a parent, we have a desire to have our children thrive. 

We have a desire that they are "true" to their soul. We have a desire that their internal compass is their north star. 

The pathway for their soul to be unleashed is highly influenced by who we are for ourselves.

Whilst we may not have control over how they navigate life or what they choose - we can't deny that we are a pivotal influence on the stories and the beliefs they inherit.

.... This is a long read.. and it is a very personal share.

Back in early December, my parents and I had a misunderstanding. So much about what I teach is about healing our generational wounds.

It isn't about blaming our parents or judging what they did or didn't do - and it is all about being incredibly understanding, accepting, and empathising WHILE giving ourselves permission to navigate the hurt, the pain, the disappointment, and releasing the emotional resonance of the experience.

As we break free from the grip of the inheritance of our parent's unconscious programming, by bringing a higher perspective to their journey and upbringing, we liberate from past conditioning.

Here is what happened. 

Besides this weekly newsletter, I share insights and stories on my personal FB page. 

With a particular Facebook post, my parents misunderstood my message.

They felt I was "airing our dirty laundry" with our family history. 

I get it. They were raised in a culture where face-value equated to self-worth. What others thought of you had more weight than what you thought of yourself. 

My parents were really upset. Furious.

As a first-generation westernised Asian female (born in Australia, from parents who were refugees from Vietnam), I am at the collision between the Eastern and the Western traditions of what it means to be a daughter. 

I don't know whether this exists in other cultures or families, and these are some of the programs that my parents and the generations before them passed on:

• Children are seen and not heard (no matter the age)
• Parents always know what is best - ALWAYS
• Our children are responsible for our happiness, our sadness, and all our emotions
• Do as I say, not as I do
• What parents do is none of the children's business 
• Children are here to please the parents
• You don't talk about your problems. You sweep things under the carpet
• The family reputation mattered - children needed to uphold the families reputation

I grew up in an extremely strict (my interpretation and perception) household. It was common to use physical punishment, threats, and shame. 

Please know, this isn't a judgement on my parents. It was all they knew. It was the only world of parenting they knew. 

So here I am, at 39 years of age, on the other side of the phone with both my parents.

They are screaming. Shouting. Yelling. Every phrase that would cut deep, were said. They were hijacked.

All the worst things they could say to a child, I heard it.

Now... Even though I know it wasn't personal, it still hurt.

Even though I know it was their pain-body, I was still triggered.

Even though I understand their pain, past, and history, the wounds of shame permeated all of my cells in such a fierceness, where my body shut down.

I knew the feeling, and I knew it well. My heart hurt.

In this interaction with them - I wasn't my 39-year-old self on the phone; it was the 3-year-old, the 5-year-old, and the 9-year-old versions of me on the receiving end.

I felt worthless. I felt unheard. I felt defeated. I felt less than. I felt so much fear around the loss of love. 

I had the heart palpitations. I could feel my body flooded with adrenalin and cortisol. I felt my world is falling apart. The exact same physical sensations came up as the emotionally flooded 3, 5, and 9 year old that would get in trouble. 

I was bathed in shame. I felt my entire existence being challenged and ridiculed.

In "reality", my world wasn't falling apart. It was the "Fear of a loss of Love" that was discolouring my experience of "reality". 

This is WHY healing our generational wounds and awareness matters. 

HURT PEOPLE, HURT PEOPLE.

The phone call ended, and I took a moment to breathe and centre myself.

I allowed myself to feel whatever was needed. I called a friend to hold space. I didn't deny myself of my humanity.

As I regained clarity - I zoomed out on the circumstance.

What I shared in this Facebook post triggered their unhealed wounds - and what's so familiar about generational wounds is that we unconsciously think it's someone else's responsibility to heal, or we do everything in our power to not deal with the hurt and project it elsewhere. That's what happened with my parents.

Over the next few days, they made more phone calls, with more hurtful comments - and then I created a boundary.

I stepped into my power of being 39 years old, of someone who "loves" themselves enough that she doesn't need to carry, fix or are responsible for my parent's emotional state. 

I can understand why they were furious and upset - AND the way they approached the circumstance wasn't emotionally healthy. 

They met my boundary with disowning me. 

That's their trauma. That's their wound in the driver's seat. They were more loyal to their pain-body than their higher-self. And I get it. It's the best they could do at this moment.

When we don't heal our trauma - it makes a home in our mind, body, and spirit. And that's where we parent from. 

In creating a boundary with my parents, I knew it may come at a dire cost.

This was the question I asked myself; "What would Love do? and What would be the most loving thing for me?". 

When others project their pain - we have a choice. To receive it, or not. 

When we receive it, we too, will project.

If you don't heal what hurt you, you're going to bleed on those that didn't cut you.

I know my parents are hurting. Their hearts have been hurting ever since I was born. 

If you have been following The Motherhood Mindset for a while, you'll know that my conception wasn't a "planned" conception - and I was the "other woman's" child. My dad was married. 

My parents went through a lot. They are still going through a lot. So much pain. So much heartache....they are doing their best... and I'm not responsible for healing their pain. 

In healing your Generational Wounds, you're honouring the gift of life. The gift of your life - AND THE GIFT OF YOUR CHILD'S LIFE.

I am grateful, so grateful for the lessons I have learned in being my parent's daughter.

In witnessing firsthand the experience of self-sacrifice, martyrdom, suffering, and survival in parenting - the cost is heartbreaking. Within them is so much self-judgement, criticism, and despair. 

That internal environment isn't conducive of receiving and feeling joy or love. That internal environment harbours despair and sadness. 

As a mother of two - Avery and Brooklyn, I am grateful these two beings chose me to be their mother.

In honouring their choice, there is no greater gift than "being in love" with me. There is no greater act of love, than to take responsibility of my inner world.

For the internal environment of "being in love" with me means, compassion, kindness, forgiveness, and grace is something I give myself - and then of course, I extend to them.

In learning to "be in love" with me - it means, having the courage to liberate and free myself from unconscious generational trauma.

This was a long post - I'm grateful if you've read till here.

There is no higher purpose than being in love with you. This is the access to contributing to your child thriving.

It is actually the biggest influence that will contribute to them, being "true" to their soul.