John and I are on our walk.
"How are you feeling about your parents?". He asked.
If you've been following for a while, you may know the story.
Late last year, my parents disowned me - it was over a misunderstanding.
I was given an ultimatum.
"Stop doing what you're doing (i.e. teaching and writing on how to heal from generational patterns), or you lose us as parents."
I chose what was most loving to me.
To speak my truth. I chose what was true to my heart. Which meant my parents disowned me.
A lot of people do things in the name of Love - when it is NOT LOVE.
LOVE would never have anyone need to betray their heart. Never.
When you choose Love, it's not what you think it is. It's a reckoning of the old identity.
It's been seven months now, and here is what I shared with John.
"I've honestly never felt more loved by them.. and I could finally receive and feel the depth of their love for me."
Here's why. I could meet and finally, feel where they were loving from.
They truly did love me with all they had and all they knew - and they did give me everything, including loving me as best they could through their pain.
They couldn't see beyond the misunderstanding, and it had nothing to do with me, and it isn't personal.
They were hurt. And that hurt isn't mine to fix.
I get they are hurt, and it's not mine to fix.
You see... as a parent to give such an ultimatum, a threat of talking away their Love, it meant that the depth of the pain that lived within themselves is deep. EVEN if I wanted to fix it - I can't.
Growing up, unconsciously - many times, I wanted to take the pain away from them. I felt responsible for it. I tried to carry it for them... and it creates more carnage.
I grew up with this programming... "Life is hard... No one can be happy in Love. You were born, and it must have been karma for us. We have to repay from a past lifetime."
I was the "bad karma" that happened in their lives.
The last seven months created an incredible space for healing. The distance allowed me to have compassion for where my parents were loving from, living from, and parenting from.
They loved me as their 3-7-year-old selves that felt abandoned, stuck in war, feeling threatened with their livelihood, and feeling neglected.
....AND I am not responsible for their healing even if I wanted to be.
Here is what I invite you to consider when you choose Love.
When you choose Love, you liberate everyone. Liberation doesn't "look" a certain way.
When you choose Love, everyone is given an opportunity to meet their fear.
And it is only in meeting their fear, can they heal.
When you choose Love, no one loses.
People think choosing Love is "staying" or "having everyone be happy".
No. That's not always the case.
Choosing LOVE is choosing liberation.
It is choosing expansion.
It is choosing the highest and greatest good for ALL.
It's not choosing Love if you have to deny your truth. That's choosing fear.
Every time you make a choice to keep another "happy", and you betray yourself - that's FEAR.
The long term impact of this is heartbreaking for all.
No one is free. It is an entanglement of pain, resentment, frustration, blame, and feeling lonely. The pain perpetuates.
I find it interesting the reactions I get from people in hearing the story or knowing what's going on.
The unease. The discomfort. They reflect on it for themselves.
I can feel them "wanting to fix it". Or that "there's something wrong here". Or they put on the "transformational" lecture that "if you're really transformed, it wouldn't be this way".
OR... "You should treasure your parents".
.... and then there is this; "Do something! Call them.. be the bigger and better person."
.... Oh, the unease of others not being able to hold space for what is.
I do treasure my parents. And I also treasure my heart. And I'm not responsible for their healing.
To hold space for yourself in this capacity is to live from a place of wholeness.
Wholeness isn't about perfection.
- Do I get sad? Of course.
- Am I disappointed? Yes
- Do I love myself through this? Absolutely.
- Do I make it mean anything about me that this has happened? No.
- Am I proud of how I showed up? Yes.
- Am I whole? YES!
Wholeness is embracing your humanity and being guided to receive from your Higher Self.
It is the disconnection from longing for others to love you, to connection with belonging to you.
I broke free from an unconscious pattern that I am responsible for someone else's happiness.
That's deep conditioning.
You can only love people and meet people where they are at.
....and what's crazy about this whole circumstance is that I genuinely have never felt more loved by them than I do now.
I can finally receive the Love from them - free from being tainted with their pain.
Parents truly give you everything. In that everything, includes their pain.
If they don't heal it, they project it.
And it's unintentional. Unconscious. And not personal.
It's taken my work to a whole new level... and it's taken the truth of what I share to a whole new level.
Not everyone has had a traumatised childhood.
There are those that grew up in really loving homes where they were honoured for their spirit. I love that.. and...
.....There were those of us that grew up in toxic households, with inherited generational trauma where there wasn't a healthy model of Love.
That's how my wounds have become wisdom.
As Dr Joe Dispenza, one of my favourite teachers, say, "Wisdom is the memory without the emotional charge."
I feel more Love for my parents than I ever had before. And it's pure.
And I can hold them in my heart without feeling guilt, shame or any tinge of resentment and inadequacy.
I have nothing but Love for them.... and beyond their suffering and pain, I know they have nothing but Love for me. And I receive it.
My intention is this.
Choosing Love, liberates everyone.
When you do "what is loving to you" - it is freedom for all.
Trust your heart. Love on your heart. The truth lives here.