Do you feel that you're always giving? Even when you are running on empty?
And that other's are always taking from you? Especially your children? Partner?
Do you find it hard to ask for help?
Do you find it hard to "receive" support, love, encouragement?
Do you wish... those around you knew how much you were giving, and if only they appreciated it?
The giving and taking model of Love is what we're here to heal. Before I share about that, I want to share about "Receivership".
Receivership. It's a big topic.
When we all entered earthside, we never questioned "receivership". Never.
It was a knowing, an embodiment, a remembrance, unquestioned - of "Ask and ye shall receive".
As babies, we are the embodiment of wholeness, oneness, of abundance.
That's why babies don't "feel" separate from their parents - especially their mothers.
They don't experience a "separate" body.
The idea of hands/ feet/ a separate body is something that is "learnt" (it is literally the reason why they always want to be close to us and held... and we mistaken this for being "needy").
....and then we continue to learn separation.
I turned 40 a few weeks ago - and I reflected on "Receivership".
To understand receivership - is to understand a healthy model of Love.
To embody receivership - is to keep guard of our mind and heart.
Receivership is forgiveness
- Do you find it hard to forgive yourself?
Receivership is compassion.
- Do you find it hard to be compassionate to yourself?
Receivership is kindness.
- Do you find it hard to be kind to yourself?
Receivership is trust.
- Do you constantly doubt yourself?
Receivership is faith.
- Do you find it hard to believe in yourself?
Receivership is understanding.
- Do you find it hard to give yourself grace?
Receivership is surrender.
- Do you find it hard to dance in the chaos, let go and be at peace with what is?
Receivership is wholeness.
- Do you find it hard to accept yourself - and love yourself?
Most adults are terrible receivers. They've bought into this idea that receivership is selfish.
This idea is a belief that was inherited from generations before. Unquestioned. Fully accepted.
We are truly unable to have healthy, thriving, loving and nurturing relationships - if we don't have an intimate understanding and be the embodiment of receivership.
If one's model of Love is based on giving and taking - that's a model that is built on sacrifice.
In Love, there is no sacrifice.
I invite you to read that again. Slowly.
So why is it then that so many of us believe love is about compromise and sacrifice? AND we defend it with all our might?
I hear it all the time.
"Compromise is part of relationships. You HAVE to compromise."
"You know how it is, as parents, have to sacrifice for the family."
... It's as though we're defending a model of Love that DOESN'T work, causes heartache, loneliness, and the cost of connection.
If I am to "sacrifice" a part of me - to feel connected with my children, my partner, my family, my friends, my work - It isn't Love. If anything, it creates more disconnection.
For how can you reject and deny a part of yourself and then feel whole in a relationship?
While I know anything is possible.... I can't see how it is possible to feel whole and connected while denying and rejecting a part of ourselves.
Sacrificing our connection to ourselves - so that a relationship can survive?!
I don't think that's how nature works.
It's how Fear works. Not nature.
I work with 2 high-end coaches for my business.
The coaching question is always; "How much can you receive?".
Not how much do I want to receive, not how much do I think I should receive - it's, on an energetic level - "How much can I truly receive?". What can I accept? What can I hold?
That's the work. Yes, strategy is important - and it's secondary to the capacity that I can receive.
I teach and coach about Love. Parenting and Relationships.
It's the same. It is all about expanding our capacity to Receive.
On a scale of 1-10 - "How much can you receive? - when it comes to being loved?"
Consider that's the reason why you feel unfulfilled, dissatisfied, lack-lustre with life. AND.. you have the power to shift this.
If you and I get on a call, I can show you how.
Until we can get intimate with "receivership", we will find it hard to feel seen, heard, understood - and truly loved by the other.
We can only feel truly loved by the other - when we know how to "receive" their love.
We can only "receive" another's Love if we are able to "receive" our love for ourselves.
And that's why "self-love" is so elusive to many.
It's elusive because most of us have been taught a model of love that is transactional.
Give and take. You do this, and then I love you. You do that, and then I don't love you.
So.... we think, once I am x, y, z - then I can love myself. BUT if make a mistake and falter - I am unworthy of Love.
...We've never questioned our model of Love - and we try to have healthy relationships, we try to have deep connections with our children, and it falls short.
Heal your understanding of receivership - and a brand new paradigm of Love will open up.
So - are you ready to heal your model of Love?
What would it be like to feel that all your needs can be met and more?... And - to feel it free from guilt?
...Because the model of giving/ taking is the following.
If a parent is feeling unappreciated - Love has been transactional.
If you're feeling disconnected to your partner/ spouse - Love has been transactional.
The highest purpose of a relationship, of every relationship, is to soften the heart.
To expand the heart. To release the armour. To surrender and melt to each other. To know I am held. You are held. We are held. Our love inspires us to do better.
.... and when a relationship, parent/ child, partner/ partner isn't that - the model of Love hasn't been questioned.
The greatest gift you can give your child as a parent, is to learn to love thyself.
The greatest gift you can give your partner, is to learn to love yourself. The greatest gift, you can give you, to love your life into life, is to love thyself.
For you can't give what you don't have... and you can't receive, that which you are not. So I send you Love. May you receive it.