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I remember when I was 9, 12, 15... pivotal moments of constantly feeling not enough, something was wrong with me, and heavy with guilt, shame, and feeling worthless.
The anxiousness and depression were debilitating - and I was high-functioning.
The experience would follow me well into my late 20s.
And then, one day, I decided it was no longer ok to entertain a poor, unhealthy relationship with myself.
If someone spoke to me, in the way I spoke to me... if someone treated me, the way I treated myself... It would be a toxic relationship.
Being hard on myself, being demanding, being unforgiving, putting pressure on myself, forcing myself to be someone I'm not so that I can "fit in"... these are unloving behaviours.
Added to that would be not speaking up for what I need, not even daring to entertain that I have needs or what I want is important, being a people pleaser.... and then swinging the pendulum right the other way and being completely selfish, narcissistic, and spiteful.
I would compare. I would judge. I would doubt. I would question.
Until.. I realised these behaviours no longer served me.
I started getting really clear on what was loving to me, and what wasn't loving to me.
Why?
Because I knew there was a direct correlation between loving yourself - and your quality of life.
This became even more important when I became a parent.
The thought of Avery or Brooklyn having the same self-talk as me, or having a relationship like the one I had with my parents, or feeling undervalued, unworthy, not enough, consistently guilty or ashamed... and then needing to bury this pain through addiction - that was not ok with me.
And... the most significant factor in how they will navigate this - is learning how to love themselves.
You can only teach what you have.
You can only give that which you are.
I made sure I embodied someone who loves who they are - the cost of not being that person, as a parent, is too high.
If you don't know how to love who you are or don't love who you are, then the love you give is from a place of unworthiness, not enough, and there's something wrong.
That's not Love. That's something else. It's not Love.
Thich Nhat Hanh says, "Loving another, without knowing how to love the other, wounds the one we love."
That's why your children, your partner, and your spouse "know you love them" and don't feel loved by you.
As a human being, we all make mistakes.
As a human being, we all experience failures.
As a human being - there are times when we have betrayed others - and others have betrayed us.
In this human form, we experience the highest of highs and the lowest of lows.
We experience letting ourselves down and letting others down. And through it all - knowing that we are worthy of forgiveness, compassion, generosity, kindness, and gentleness - to ourselves, for ourselves is Loving.
Loving yourself is giving yourself 2nd chances... and giving yourself the gift of emotional generosity - as well as being radically self-responsible and accountable.
If you hold yourself hostage to past pain, hurt, fear and disappointments - that's unloving to you.
I don't beat myself up anymore.
I don't judge myself on where I'm at.
I don't compare my journey with another.
And I don't look in the mirror and look for faults, what's wrong or imperfections.
Because that's how generational trauma is passed on.
So where to start, in learning how to love yourself?
Start one choice at a time, one thought at a time, one day at a time.
Scale 1-10, how connected do you feel with your Heart?
Scale 1-10, how much love do you feel for you?
What would make each, one point more? That's it.
What do you need to stop doing that would be more loving to you?
What do you need to start doing that would be more loving to you?
And these don't have to be BIG monumental things.
- Can you go to sleep earlier?
- Can you learn how to give yourself a break?
- Can you stop working so hard and spend time in nature?
- Can you stop beating yourself up?
- Can you start giving yourself more grace?
- What would it be like to forgive yourself for a mistake?
- Or be kind and compassionate with what you're going through?
Now... for those of you on a Spiritual journey and your Spirituality and connection to Source is important to you.
Your connection to Source, to your Higher Power, to your Divinity - and how much you can surrender, trust it, believe in it, access it - is all based upon being loving to you.
Think about it.
If who you are for yourself is unworthy, broken, unlovable, or a disappointment - you will REJECT the power of unconditional Love.
Because Source is precisely that. Unconditional Love.
And if you're someone that doesn't love themselves, if "unconditional love" came by....
You wouldn't believe it. You wouldn't receive it. And you wouldn't trust it.
Learning how to Love yourself is non-negotiable as a parent if you TRULY want to give your children the best of life.
Need a guide who's walked the path?
I hold space for my clients to return to Love, to return to their Hearts... and they all say... "I have so much more Love for who I am."
If you don't do this for you - then do it for your children.
Because this is the work that would have made all the difference to your upbringing - if your parents loved who they were.
Reach out to me here. (Click the link for a free training on how to give your children the best of life).
PS... If you want to step into the Creator role, being unloving to yourself or beating yourself up with guilt and shame isn't the path. To be the creator of your life (this goes beyond manifesting!)... is to be in Love with who you are.
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