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IF you're a parent...
And your 20-year-old is self-sabotaging...
And totally feeling unworthy, not enough, and loathing themselves...
And you know the answer is "Self-love"...
Then they ask you..."So how do I learn to love myself?"
How will you answer them?
This is sobering. Because you can't teach what you don't know.
...Hand on Heart, Scale 1-10, how much do you like yourself as a human being?
When you look in the mirror, do you trust yourself? Do you honour yourself? Are you someone that can count on themselves to make great choices for their life?
AND if you're limited in trusting, honouring and can't really count on yourself with the choices you make - do you then, really love who you are?
What kind of relationship would it be if there is a lack of trust? A constant lull of questioning, doubting, not being able to follow through or able to count on them?
Is it a loving relationship when there is minimal kindness, consistently full of judgement and criticism, taking everything personally, and afraid to tell the truth??
Whilst it may sound obvious that it's not loving - you want to get clear on the type of relationship you have with yourself.
Think back to the last time you made a mistake - did you forgive yourself or berate yourself?
Think back to the last time you had to make a choice? - was it filled with doubt or faith?
Think back to the last time someone did something nice for you or paid you a compliment - could you receive it, or did it feel extremely uncomfortable, and you had to give back something in return?
Think back to the last time you were hurt. Could you have an open or honest conversation about it - or were you passive-aggressive?
When was the last time you celebrated yourself, allowed yourself to feel joy, and be so proud of who you are?
Healthy relationships are fueled with celebration, acknowledgement, and joy.
These behaviours in our relationship with ourselves perpetuate a story we're unlovable, unworthy, and not enough. They AREN'T actions that are aligned with someone that "honours" themselves.
They are poor habits that will NEVER allow us to receive Love or feel the purest bliss of Joy in life.
And if self-expression, being free to be you, really loving life, and you're here to have an awesome time in this physical form - get clear on what is Love and what isn't Love.
It's unloving for you to worry. FULL STOP.
It's unloving to you to feel you're to blame and at fault for everything. YES, you are NOT responsible for the state of the world.
It's unloving to you to hold yourself hostage for a mistake you have made. You made a mistake. You ARE NOT a mistake.
It's unloving to you to put yourself last, go about your day from running on empty - and expecting yourself to give. Oh, hell with that pattern! Self-sacrifice IS NOT LOVING.
It's unloving to you to consistently be in guilt, shame, and beating yourself up to a standard of perfection that is IMPOSSIBLE. There is NOTHING loving about being hard on yourself.
I'm all for excellence, mastery, and expansion. And I don't beat myself up....(anymore).
Being able to like who you see in the mirror, trust her, believe in her, and be her biggest cheerleader and best friend....is what will make you a great parent. I make sure I really like who I see in the mirror.
For what drives me is knowing how important it is for our sons to have a healthy relationship with themselves such that they too, like and love who they see in the mirror.
For those that are wanting to have healthier relationships or be in one, it is also what will have you attract and be a person that allows Love in.
For if you don't like who you see in the mirror - you won't trust anyone that says they love you - and you will not let them in. You simply can't.
Get clear on the relationship you have with yourself.... and if it's not a Loving one... are you ok with that?
Healthy habits and behaviours are caught, not taught, because you can't be unhealthy and tell your kids they should be healthy.
And you can't say that they're deserving of love...When you don't find love safe.
And it's kind of hypocritical if you tell them to love themselves, and there you are beating yourself up almost every moment, every spare moment of the day.
This is why I find parenting such a gift.
If we're wanting to give our children the best, then we're also saying that we want to be the best parent for our children.
And to be the best parent for our children means that we see the best in ourselves.
It means that we allow the best in ourselves to arise.
It means that we see our goodness, we see our greatness.
And in the moments that we falter, we have the capacity to give ourselves grace, and be compassionate.
And because we know better, we will do better.
Parenting, as a Spiritual practice is truly asking us to WAKE UP to our truth...and remember who we are.
If you're feeling so far off the "Love myself" practice... Just start with "liking" yourself.
That's it. Just start "liking" the person you see in the mirror.
Sending love,
Yummii xx
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