Does your child ever say... "I DON'T WANT TO GO TO SCHOOL"!?

We have an AMAZING nanny share arrangement for Brooklyn.

We are so blessed to have her "find" us - and us her.

It  was a Divine connection (and the other 2 children that he gets to play with are incredible!!)
Brooklyn was always so excited to go ...until the last few weeks.

"I don't want to go...!!" Was the protest and crying we would hear on Sunday night before Monday.
We know he loves his nanny, Jen. And we know Jen loves him.

Why was he protesting so much out of the blue?!

We couldn't figure it out.

Empathy. Holding space. Getting into his world. Still - it didn't get to the core of it.

Every Sunday evening, there would be a protest and whining.

We would manage to get to a place where he would feel safe and agree to go on Monday mornings... and for the last few weeks, it was this rhythm of really not wanting to go.

What was underneath? I kept thinking... I know we were just skimming the surface of what was really troubling him....

Until this week.

He had a big meltdown the morning of going to Jen's.

He laid on me outside our bathroom.. and through his tears, said... "Mumma, I really, really don't want to go...."

This time I felt his energy was different.

This time, I felt he could sense more of the Fear... and it was a safer place for him to surrender the Fear...and I can feel he is more open to me.

This is the place in which I know we can move forward AND truly get to the Heart of the matter.

I lie there with him, stroking his back... stroking his hair - reaffirming..."You really don't want to go..."

He nodded....

I said... "I'm not going to make you - and it's important for me to understand.... " I paused.

He looked at me.

When I said I really wasn't going to make him, I meant it.
AND it's important for me to understand.

"I'm going to ask you a few questions ok?"

He nodded.

I asked...

Did something happen with your friend?
Did you guys fight?
Did someone snatch something from you...?
Did you do something that upset your friend?
Is he annoyed at you?

All the questions about what kids do and knowing what triggers him.

ALL clear there.

Then I asked...

Do you feel safe with Jen?
Do you know she loves you?
And do you love her?

Yep... all confirmed.

Then I asked.. Did something happen with Jen?

Then he nodded...and he got teary.

He then commenced to tell me the story.

His trigger is not having things explained to him. And he shared an incident that occurred a few weeks back.

And in this particular moment, he felt unheard, ignored, and frustrated he couldn't communicate his point.

"Oh that would so hurt. You're so upset she didn't explain it... and you feel ignored?"

He nodded.... In knowing a big part of his energetics, feeling ignored is a big trigger for him (then again, I think it is for everyone!)

"Would you be open to me talking to J, and then we can clear it all up?"

He said... "Yes, can you tell her? Can you tell her what happened?...."

I responded, "Of course!... So are we up to going to Jen's now?"

"Ok... I'm ready... Let's go to see Jen!" he exclaimed.

And off we went to Jen's.

We arrived at Jen's, and as promised, I explained to her what happened. We resolved the misunderstanding.

They hugged and talked it through - and I could see he felt safe again.

The secret to all of this - losing the agenda (and having an incredible support network like Jen who really values what it means to be human and our children's view of the world).

Whenever we have an agenda or we come into trying to convince, prove, or are fearful of the conflict...we will rarely get to the Heart of the matter.

And what ends up happening is force, negotiation, ignoring, misunderstandings, convincing, cajoling... and giving away our power.

Behind EVERY behaviour, there is a reason.
A viewpoint of the world. A story that is driving the behaviour.

When you're in your Heart, you'll feel what they are feeling, and you'll get to the "Heart of the matter".

When you're in your Head, you'll resist what they are feeling and what you're feeling, and you're trying to deal with the "Heat of the moment".

The Heart - will always create safety, connection, and win-win.

The Head - will always be about an agenda, an outcome, a force, a reaction, and win-lose.

One is sourced in Love and all about the "being".

The other is sourced in Logic, Reasoning, Analysis, and all about the "doing".

Your relationships aren't a list on your to-do, your children are not "chores" to be handled, and your family life isn't about the "doing".

If you're feeling resentful of your children, family, parents, spouse... and you have the narrative of "I do so much, and they don't appreciate me".

Therein lies the energy that you're bringing to the relationship.

No amount of "doing" can be received if there isn't a connection.

And no amount of "doing" will ever increase your influence or safety, trust and space that is required for your child or loved one to open up and share what's really troubling them.

Your capacity to get to the Heart of the Matter is directly correlated to you meeting the matter with Heart.

So... if there is something you're up against with your child... or in any relationship... and it's been ongoing, stagnant and stuck - you've been working through the Heat of the moment VERSUS the very HEART of the matter. 

Get to the Heart of the matter by being in your Heart for you first.

Sending love,
Yummii xx