Feeling invisible

Do you remember that feeling? Feeling invisible as a child? ...and thinking you're the only one that feels invisible?

That somehow your best friend, or your brother, or sister, or your mum, or dad don't know what you're going through? That surely no-one else can understand this feeling of being unseen?

The irony is that most children walk around fearing the fear of feeling invisible... and also feeling invisible.

You were not alone.

"Feeling invisible" is one of the greatest fears for children. It is the experience of feeling unseen.

Feel it long enough, and in adulthood, this is the belief that is born: "My needs don't matter."

As a child, the experience of feeling invisible and fearing the feeling of being invisible started as discomfort, and now, as an adult, it's become an identity. 

As an adult, "my needs don't matter" will express itself in the following ways:

• Not being able to prioritise self-care
• Not being able to ask for what we need
• Not being able to have a relationship with boundaries in a healthy manner
• Pleasing others and putting everyone else's needs first and feeling that this is the only way
• Dismissing our insecurities, fears, and playing them down (and having to numb ourself)
• Putting the children first at the expense of peace of mind or running on empty
• Putting your spouse first at the expense of peace of mind or running on empty

So here we are, as adults, trying to have relationships with others, all the meanwhile thinking our needs are a burden. Trying to give - and there's nothing in the tank.

When two adults who are in a relationship are doing that while trying to run a household - it's not a mystery why it isn't joyful parenting together.

In feeling like our needs are a burden, we don't know how to ask for help.

We don't make time to replenish our tank.

We are running on empty because the idea of filling ourselves up seems logical to our heart and irrational to our mind. 

We try to silence our needs. Negate our needs. We feel guilty for having needs yet so desperately wanting those needs to be met. 

Resentment kicks in. Frustration kicks in. A lull of life kicks in.

To transcend this, we return to the root cause. The fear of feeling invisible and feeling invisible when we were children.

It's a similar experience to being a child and feeling scared and needing your parents - however feeling as though even if you ask, they aren't going to take your request seriously. So you learnt, not to ask.

It's a similar experience to being a child and needing reassurance and comfort and consistently being told; "Oh you're a big person now!... You don't need me...". You needed them.. and in your parent's world, they are thinking they are encouraging you... and in your world, you were dismissed. 

Remember, this is not about blaming our parents or judging how we were raised. It is about bringing a greater understanding of our past - so we can liberate.

We are living in such a beautiful time where we understand more about our children's development and brain science - AND the challenge lies in having the courage to break free, liberate, and heal from our upbringing through greater awareness. 

Parenting can seem complicated - because so much of the joy, delight, and freedom in parenting comes from doing the inner work. 

So while we are looking up parenting tips; "How to better communicate with my child" or "How to create a deeper connection" or "How to deal with my toddler"... the tips are only as effective as the depth of love we have for ourselves.

Why? Because we are at the epicentre from which we give.

You can't give what you don't have.

Therefore - the fear of "feeling invisible" from your child, is healed when "you see yourself". 

It is healed the moment you're standing in front of the mirror - and you choose forgiveness. 

It is healed the moment you're standing in front of the mirror - and you say; "Your needs matter. You are worthy of having your needs met."

It is healed the moment you're standing in front of the mirror - and you tell yourself; "You are enough. You are loved - for being YOU."

My question is this; "At this moment, on this day, what does your Soul need? - and how can this be met?". 

Before you answer this - I invite you to pause, close your eyes, place your hand on your heart and tune in to your centre. Take 3 deep breathes in and out...

...Now from that place, answer the question. "What is it that I need?" 

And as you answer this question, give yourself permission to voice what you need unapologetically.

You may not be courageous enough to ask for it (yet)... and the first step is to voice it. To acknowledge it. To allow it to rise from the depths of darkness... and into the light.

And... as the answer comes to the surface, feel it in your body, have it settle into your body. Train your body to feel safe when asking for what you need.

There is nothing more than your child wants from you than for you to feel proud to be their parent, to see them with adoration, to feel pleased and joyful in their presence, and to know that they add to your life.

If they are feeling invisible, they are questioning their contribution to your life.

If you're finding it challenging to feel connected to them - I get it... it's an indicator that you're running on empty. You're feeling invisible. 

Fill your cup up. Have it overflowing. 

When you allow yourself to bloom, by knowing your needs matter, and truly understanding how to "receive" and "feel" loved by you, you heal the "invisible child" inside of you.

....and in turn, you unlock the gift of joy that lives in parenting.