Feeling like you're just holding it all together?

Uncategorized May 21, 2020

Do you ever feel that you're holding it all together?... just. 

Maybe you're a first-time parent who was so excited about parenthood, and this gig is nothing like you expected. Your expectations of yourself are not being met. Your emotions morph from frustration, angst, fear, worry, guilt, and shame.

Or maybe you're a few years into this gig of parenthood, and it's like groundhog day. Why aren't you enjoying it more?! Sure there are glimpses where your heart is so full, and you wonder, why isn't there more of it?...and what about me?

Or maybe you're finding that you're so tired  - and tired of being tired. And stuck? 

Or maybe - you're resigned. You're numb. You're just holding it all together. Sort-of. And anything can set you off... and you don't know how to shift gears?

I had an interview today with a wellness company, and the interviewer asked me; "What tips do you have for parents who feel like they're juggling everything?...and just hanging on?"

This was my response.

"The experience of juggling is a symptom of being out of balance.

We may feel guilt or experience shame about our parenting because when we're with the children, we're thinking about work or the next thing to do. When we're at work, we're overwhelmed and feeling like there's never enough time - this is a result of being out of alignment with our mind/ body/ spirit.

We're not present - and we can't be. Our heart is scared, our mind is noisy, and our inner state is in disharmony. We can't be present when our inner world is in disarray". 

Modern-day society, the addiction to doing, being busy (and wearing this like a badge of honour), and pushing through doesn't support families to thrive. 

If a petrol tank is empty - we aren't going to go on a road trip half-way across the country. Even if we wanted too, it simply wouldn't work. There isn't enough fuel..... and yet, we push ourselves. 

Our energy, our inner resource (mind/ body/ spirit) requires replenishing, and we hold the power to adjust our commitments according to what is in our tank.

Are we waiting for someone to give us permission to decline and negate commitments that don't currently serve us?

This is where our awareness matters. And this is where kindness and compassion for ourselves are needed.

It is to be a priority if we wanted to shift gears into a more fulfilled experience of parenting, relationships, and our sense of self. 

When we are in harmony, when our heart is full, and our mind is clear - we bring awareness to our unconscious expectations and attachments.

We may even question and challenge "why?" am I doing X, Y, Z - and is it vital?

I love what the transformational coach Kyle Cease says about commitments and being busy;

"When I wake up, my mind is rushing. I'm overwhelmed by the 201 things I have to do, the phone calls I have to make, and then balance that with being a parent, a husband, and an entrepreneur. Everything is urgent and important. So every morning, before I start my day, I spend 2 hours in meditation. After my meditation, I realised I don't even have to do those 201 things. I start my day breaking the addiction."

My invitation; especially if you're feeling as though you're just "holding it together"...

- How can you bring more kindness and compassion to yourself every day for the next seven days? One thing. One thing that's going to nourish your mind/ body/ or spirit?

- What's one thing you're going to "stop" doing that no longer serves you? Is it your self-talk? Is it a commitment to a family/ friend/ work that depletes your energy? - Have the courage to love yourself enough to let that go. 

We're here on this beautiful blue planet, this "dot" in the Milky Way to experience life with joy and wonder; "holding it together" is one way - and I'm inviting you to know that you are worthy of experiencing so much more than that. Be kind and compassionate to that heart and soul of yours.

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