John had just reacted to Avery. I step in and defend Avery.
In John's world, he felt criticised and judged by me. In my world, I'm trying to get him to see the world from Avery's point of view.
Both realities are valid - and at that moment, John doesn't feel seen, heard, and understood.
"Give me some grace... Be patient with me like you are him. I am learning too.... ". He exclaims. I can see he is hurt. Defeated.
I would never forget this moment. It was a few years ago, and this was a pivotal moment in our relationship and in our journey of parenting together.
Grace. Give each other grace. Give ourselves grace.
I saw how hurt he felt - and he was doing his best - as we all are.
The words he shared; "Give me some grace..." has been poetic and integrated into our daily lives.
It is the mantra that I say to myself for myself, and the mantra I use to watch my words and how I express myself to John when it comes to parenting together.
Whether we're parenting with our spouse/ partner or co-parenting with an ex-partner - it's magical when we're in harmony as we're parenting our children and creating alignment within the family unit...
...and equally, there's nothing more jarring when there isn't common ground or a shared alignment when it comes to parenting.
When two adults become parents, it is the unearthing of wounds and trauma from our inner-child. We're triggered, and we're challenged.
We're triggered not by our children - our children are just the mirrors reflecting back where the bruise is. We're triggered because there is a "hurt" from the past that's rising up.
We're challenged because we're continually breaking bonds to habits that may no longer serve us OR we're addicted to keeping the bonds to beliefs that don't serve us and yet we are too scared to jump into the unknown.
Overarching all of this is "learning" and "unlearning".
Learning about each other, learning about ourselves....
Unlearning what we inherited from our parents/ our childhood, unlearning the programming and conditions we blindly place on ourselves...
As a couple, when we first become a parent, five new relationships are created.
Relationships take presence. Understanding. Patience. Compassion.
That's a lot of "new" relationships that continually evolve and form.
So if you're in a season where you are not seeing eye-to-eye, or where you feel as though you're falling short and your expectations are becoming a heavy weight to bear...
My invitation is to "give yourself some grace" - and "give each other some grace".
We're all learning/ unlearning and doing our best with what we know at this moment in time.
When we know better, we will do better. And with the spaces in between - let's give ourselves some grace.