Growing up, my parents loved me. They would remind me how much they have sacrificed, what they have given up, and all they did in the name of "love".
I didn't feel this love. I didn't feel seen. I didn't feel heard. I didn't feel understood.
I knew they "loved" me.
This isn't to blame them or judge their parenting. They did the best they could based on the conscious awareness they had at that moment.
....and it doesn't negate that I didn't "feel loved".
Having spent over 12 years in understanding trauma, generational wounds, and self-healing - one thing I know to be true is this.
Every circumstance, every hurt, every pain, every fear is only asking for one thing.
To be met with Love.
When we can meet our wounds with Love, we're able to perceive our circumstances from a "higher level of mind".
This is the access to forgiveness. This is the access to liberation. This is the access to transcending the grip we allow the past to have on our present and future.
During my years of "healing"; I would continuously hear my mum's judgement ringing in my ear. It was relentless.
I would be brushing my teeth, and there is a "made-up" conversation I would be having with her going through my mind, just the "thought" of it would hijack my entire body.
I would be angry from something I conjured up in my head.
I'd wake up and hear her judgement.
I go about my day and hear her judgement.
I go to bed at night, and the last thing would be; "I'm not lovable, or good enough" because I would hear her judgement.
I continued to lean in. Lean into my heart. As part of my journey of healing, I created a practice for myself - 1000 Days of Daring Greatly based on Brene Brown's TED talk and book, Daring Greatly.
Every day for 1000 days, I invested time to understand what it takes to be "wholehearted". I knew when I was, and I knew when I wasn't. I documented the whole process for myself. I was committed to mastery.
....and then one day, the voices stopped. The judgement stopped. The imaginary conversations stopped. This was over 10 years ago.
Knowledge was now embodiment.
From a higher-level of mind, I could empathise and feel my mother's judgement and criticism had nothing to do with me. Nothing.
AND - she did the best she could to love me in the only way she knew.
AND - I no longer needed to carry the burden of her wounds.
My mother didn't love who she was. She had no sense of "self".... and that's the place from which she lived and which she loved.
Having a deep empathy for this - the grip of her judgement dissipated.
I now had access to being "wholehearted" because I choose to be "wholehearted".
As I look in the mirror at the person I have become, I'm so proud of her.
I love her. I am so grateful for her courage, her relentless pursuit of unlearning that she is unlovable, not enough, unworthy - so that her children, aren't going to inherit the any lack of love she has for herself.
The only "job" that lives in parenting is the job to heal your hurt.
You and your children share a relationship - and if a relationship feels like a job, it isn't a relationship.
This may sound harsh - and I know deep down, you feel it too.
If you're here, if you're reading this, I see you. I know you. Parenting matters to you. And on some level, there is awareness around the responsibility of healing your wounds.
Generational wounds are an opportunity for us to expand into new levels of Love.
Using parenting, as a healing and transformative practice, we can transcend our generational wounds - and on the other side, we are more expansive, expressive, and alive.
All wounds can be healed. All wounds are worthy of healing.