What's the first word that comes up when you think about boundaries?
Do you have a powerful relationship to "boundaries"?
When you set boundaries - do you feel empowered or guilty?
When you don't set boundaries - what's your self-talk?
As a parent, when used in an "empowered" manner, the world of boundaries are created as powerful conditions in which ALL will thrive.
Boundaries allow a teenager to learn self-restraint, honour their body, and have a posture to avoid succumbing to peer pressure.
Boundaries allow young children to learn that their voice matters, their feelings matter, and there are things needed for their safety and security.
Boundaries allow the confidence of being a parent to come through. When we can set powerful boundaries, we honour our Spirit - and we honour our child's Spirit.
.... Why does it all sound so simple?! Because it is.
It is simple, and it isn't easy.
There is an unconscious "generational wound" that stands between a powerful relationship to Boundaries (which is essential to thriving as a parent and a human being).
The wound of "the disease to please".
This is the wound where we often feel unworthy to voice our needs.
We put everyone else's needs first - even if it means a compromise or betrayal of our mind/ body/ and spirit.
We believe on some level that we are at fault or responsible for the emotions of another.
This could be with our own parents, our children or our spouse.
This "wound" reinforces that our needs don't matter; and when we do speak up or choose to voice our needs, we lack the posture, and the confidence and "guilt" comes through.
What does this have to do with parenting? If parenting is all about healing and returning to our wholeness, this wound arises in full-force when we become parents.
It rises to the surface no matter if our children are infants, teenagers, or adults.
It will keep rising until we can bring greater awareness, deeper understanding, and choosing to heal the wound of "the disease to please".
Want to know whether you have a healthy relationship around boundaries?
- Scale of 1-10; what is your level of energy? 1 = low energy; 10 = energised and vital
- Scale of 1-10; how connected to yourself do you feel?
- When was the last time you made time for self-care?
- When was the last time you said "yes" to something that doesn't serve you?
- When was the last time you voiced and asked for what you needed?
- How do you feel with setting boundaries for your children? Does it feel like a "fight" or do you have a "resolve"?
These reflection questions are shared with the intention that it provides you with awareness.
With awareness, you now have a choice.
With awareness, you have the option to take ownership of your power.
As you answered these questions - what did it feel like? What came up for you?
I love how Rebecca Campbell eloquently states the healing of generational wounds:
"We carry emotional trauma in our luminous field for up to seven generations back. This is why family patterns can be the hardest to break. Often, they are not even ours to begin with. But we do not know another way of being and so we continue playing out the drama.
The thing to notice when ancestral healing comes up is that you cannot heal another person, but your own healing can cause another person to choose to heal. Energy is freed up. You are being guided now to look at your life and decide how you want it to be. What ways of being or patterns are you ready to free yourself from? What part of your future do you want to rewrite? Now is the time to shake them off and dream a new future into being."
The pattern of "the disease to please" is steeped in Fear. It is an inherited unconscious pattern passed down from many generations. It no longer needs to be this way.
You have a say in how this goes.
What would life for your child be like if "the disease to please" wasn't passed down?
What would life for your child be like if "the disease to please" was reinforced?
If you're ready to take healing generational wounds to the next level, I have something exciting to share with you in the next few weeks.
Till then, thank-you for your vulnerability, for your courage, and for being on this journey with me in shifting the paradigm of parenting.