How generous are you?

Uncategorized Jun 18, 2020

I know this to be true about parenting.

EVERY person wants to be a great parent. We want to be able to be the kind of parent that is loving, patient, kind - and create an environment for our children to thrive.

We want to be our best. We will to be our best.

So why is it that we sometimes struggle? We don't like who we become when we yell. We don't like who we become when we're consistently tired and stressed.

We may even be consumed with guilt, shame, fear, worry - which then takes away the joy of parenting.

There are glimpses we experience in parenting where we are unbounded in joy, where LOVE FLOODS our being, where we are soo delighted in the little humans that have chosen us to be their parents.

How do we make these moments and this experience of parenting the norm - rather than the anomaly? 

Two words. Emotional generosity.

How emotionally generous are we with ourselves?

Most of us haven't been taught how to be kind, compassionate, and gentle with ourselves, especially when we are "learning" something new. 

Every day, you are learning as a parent. Every day we are all learning. And in learning - it requires the capacity to create space - to hold space - for ourselves as we learn.

If you were to look in the mirror, right now, could you say to the person you see; "You're more than enough as you are. I see you. I acknowledge you for your efforts. I love you."

You can't give from an empty well - and a key component of being able to "fill your cup"; is being able to be gentle and compassionate with yourself, being emotionally generous to yourself.

Let's say you relate to this: "I don't know how to be compassionate and kind to myself. I am hard on myself.". I get it. Bring some Love to feeling this way.

Imagine your sitting next to your 5-year-old self. You're feeling frustrated and angry - and you're ashamed that you're frustrated and angry. You may think that you have let others down, or you may be feeling disappointed that you couldn't achieve something or there is an experience of "I should know better". Your 5-year-old self is crying. The emotions are bottled up. 

So now, as your adult self - what do you think your 5-year-old self is needing? Is it a hug? Is it someone to hold space - and say... "You're doing great kiddo!...". Is it reassurance? Is it loving guidance? Is it forgiveness? - What would best serve your 5-year-old self right now? This is Love in action. 

To create emotional generosity, it requires presence. It requires you to have RADICAL self-responsibility in making it a priority. 

When we allow ourselves to get hijacked by the emotions of angry, frustrated, annoyed, guilt, shame - it is because we are missing emotional generosity for ourselves - and then we won't know how to create it for another. 

On a scale of 1-10; how emotionally generous are you, to you?

...and then, view yourself as a 5-year-old child, how do you want to be loved and be shown emotional generosity?

So much of parenting is about representing. Reparenting ourselves by forgiving our parents in knowing they did the best they could with what they had and knew - AND choosing more awareness around how we choose to show up.

That's how we start creating emotional generosity for ourselves...and it's a critical factor in being able to find delight in your children; and this learning journey of parenting.

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