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If you had to score yourself out of 10, how much do you dislike being wrong and making mistakes?
(This is just for you - so tell the truth - because the truth will set you free).
For me, once upon a time, it was a 10/10. I would even say 100/10.
If I ever made a mistake or got something wrong, no matter how little - I would ruminate on it for weeks. I found it hard to forgive myself... and I would play the scene over and over... I felt it was the end of the world!!
Spending energy on keeping alive the feeling of shame, inadequacy, and being not enough.
That's called emotional addiction.
When I was 31, I got a speeding ticket while driving John and a close friend home from a wedding. I felt so "ruined" and "stupid" - I would spend weeks on end on the couch curled up in a ball, judging myself and continuously thinking about that drive home and the place in which I sped.
I was addicted to feeling like something was wrong with me, feeling inadequate, and feeling like I'm a terrible person.
My daily life was consumed by this constant thinking and feeling....and no one knew. What you saw on the outside was not what was in.
And even I didn't know that I didn't know this. It felt so "normal" to me.
Until I decided it wasn't anymore, I was committed to breaking free.
Because what I knew was this.
A person who struggles with making mistakes or struggles with being wrong is someone who will struggle in relationships.
Because "being controlling" is a byproduct, a symptom of someone who always needs to be right and needs to have everything in order, perfect and not fail.
And "being controlling" in relationships kills intimacy - and we push away connection.
IF relationships matter to us, if living a fulfilled life matters to us - if we are committed to healing generational patterns and living life from our Highest Self....
We are responsible for healing the mental AND emotional addictions stuck in our bodies that seduce us into pushing away love, connection and intimacy.
That's why "reframing" loses its potency at a certain level.
Sure, you can change your language or mental story or the "wording" - and if it cannot be felt or processed within your body - and on a cellular level, it hasn't shifted.
And what no one tells you in Transformation is that to shift things internally on a cellular level - this takes time, energy, focus, and daily commitment.
If your cells are consistently renewing minute by minute, hour by hour, some take years, some take days or months - transformation is a revolution in which you're guiding your entire being (mental, emotional, physical and Spiritual) to follow a different path.
As a parent, you pass on the cellular memory of your mental, emotional, and Spiritual models of the world.
You can tell your child to do gratitude, you can create "habits" for your children.... and if they don't feel it in their Heart... there is no relationship to why they are doing what they are doing... and they are merely doing it because "they have to" or "they want to please you" or "to be good".
Eventually - that breaks down. It doesn't hold up because it hasn't taken root in the Heart - because it isn't a lived cellular, felt experience in the body.
If I'm being someone who completely breaks down when making mistakes, then I'm also being someone that needs to be in control.
Which means I'll struggle with faith, trust, and self-love.
If I'm being someone who doesn't like being wrong - then I'm also being someone that wants to be right.
Which means I'll struggle with forgiveness and compassion.
NOW.... what no-one tells you, and what I believe is one of the most deceptive "promotions" in those that lead transformation is this.
That your patterns can go away.
They don't.
They get fancier. Why?
Because they are programmed in your brain.
The game of healing, the game of transformation, isn't about getting rid of the programs. It is about creating NEW programs - and taking responsibility for the existing programs.
And the only way you can create new programs and patterns is when you move from living from your Head to your Heart.
Why? Because the mind that creates the problem cannot be the same mind that solves it.
So if your Mind is the one that is ruminating, the one that constantly needs to be in control, the one that is second-guessing, doubting, in judgement, in fear, in guilt, and shame....
Your freedom doesn't live there.
It is found in your Heart.
Your job isn't to get rid of the patterns. It is to meet those patterns with Love.
And create new ones.
The secret is this.
Create a Mind/ Body that feels safer and more alive in Forgiveness, Compassion - over guilt, shame and control.
Create a Mind/ Body that feels safer and more alive in Connection, Intimacy, Faith and Trust - over doubt, suspicion, and second-guessing.
The hardest part about Transformation is meeting all the parts of you - and then choosing to bring Love to these parts.
The darkness. The shadows. The hurting little child inside. And the one that doesn't feel safe and doesn't trust the world.
It's finally time you meet these parts with Love. Because Love truly does, heal all.
Sending love,
Yummii xx
PS My framework "Meet Fear, with Love" is all about that process. If you're ready to release generational patterns or programs that no longer serve you, including healing from the need to be in control (as that's costing you peace of mind and connection). Reach out here.
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