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There was a period in my life when I was driven and extremely ambitious and plagued with the following voice in my head:
- You'll never amount to anything
- Who do you think you are
- You're nothing
- You're such a fraud
- You're such an imposter
- No-one will love you
- You're a failure
And on and on it will go....
The voice was extremely unkind, vicious, and hard. The louder the voice, the more I would push myself thinking the more I achieve, the higher the chance that voice will go away.
On the outside - you'd have NO IDEA that I had that voice.
In fact, I didn't even realise how bad it was - until I started doing the work on learning how to be Wholehearted.
The voice had me really loathing myself.
I struggled with celebrating myself or any achievement. I hated celebrating my birthday. It was the day of the year I dreaded the most.
When I achieved something, it was fleeting and it would be "what next".
I had the identity of "High Achiever" and "Results producer".
I did achieve amazing things and produced incredible results - however, the empty feeling inside me was relentless.
NOTHING could get rid of it.
Want to know how I turned things around?
I realised that voice wasn't mine.
And I realised it was my responsibility to tune into another voice, a voice that was to be my best friend, a voice that was in my Heart, a voice that was loving - as my own self-talk.
My divorce was the wake-up call at 29.
I needed to be my own best friend, my own cheerleader and that the relationship with myself is THE most important relationship.
And that is the secret to being a better parent, partner, and all-round great human.
When it comes to parenting, our romantic relationships and how we show up in life, it's really simple.
It's about connection. However, the quality of our connection is based on how at ease we are with ourselves, and with life to receive.
Now it's simple, and not easy.
You see - connection is a skill you cultivate.
I googled up connection, and I love this definition: the placing of parts of an electric circuit in contact so that a current may flow.
What does that mean in our relationships?
Connection is a sign of "flow".
We are most in flow when we are in flow within ourselves.
There is so much scientific study and research now on Flow states.
What I invite you to consider is that the access to flow states is within you, and it comes from you being in your Heart, for you.
If you pause and you think about it right.....When you're in you're Heart, you're in love...and when you're in love, you're in flow.... and therefore, won't you naturally show up better as a parent, partner, and all-around great human??
My sense is this.
That in truth, parenting matters to you - so therefore you're a great parent. That in truth, you're a great partner. And in truth you're actually so freakin' amazing and extraordinary.... It's just that you struggle with knowing that for you.
Today here is my invitation.
Get out a piece of paper. Put on a timer for 30 minutes.
Write down everything that you have done that is amazing. And feel it in your Heart. Give yourself the gift of acknowledging, celebrating, and honouring yourself.
.....and here's my other invitation.
Quit being hard on yourself. Quit listening to that voice that says you're not doing enough, you need to be more, and putting pressure and expectations on yourself THAT ARE NOT LOVING TO YOU.
Being hard on oneself has never produced more connection.
Sending love,
Yummii xx
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