How to be more present and patient

Isn't that the ultimate thing we all want to know as parents?

And if we're not parents, how can we do this for our partners/ spouse?

If you've been following me for a while, you already know the answer to this.

Or you have been following for a while, and even though I've given you the answer, it's "Yummii - I'm willing to do anything BUT that....". ;) 

So what is it? How can we be more present and patient?

I know you already know the answer to this.

Before I remind you of what you already know - what would be more helpful is to go through the cost of not doing what you know needs to be done so you can be more present and patient.

When we go unconscious and get upset and frustrated at our children - it eats away at our confidence and trust in ourselves.

What immediately comes up is our high expectations of who we want to be, how we fall short of that, and then guilt. 

We then go to this place of feeling trapped - and judging the person we have become.

We feel so exhausted, and we don't even know where to start to get out of this rut of judging ourselves, expecting ourselves to be better, and continually falling short of who we want to be for our children. 

It's this vicious cycle. 

We know that we won't get through to our children unless we're regulated and holding space - yet we still get triggered, we allow ourselves to go there.. and now parenting has become a chore which we didn't want it to be......and it's exhausting. 

We're lonely. We're consumed with worry. We're frustrated with ourselves... and all that "inner work" is knowledge that adds to the heaviness of the shame. "We should know better",... we say to ourselves.

We continue to feel helpless. 

...And the biggest fear we have is not being able to be the parent that can be present and patient - so we get to respond to our children... so that they can trust us when they most need it - and then we can trust ourselves to meet them so that they feel seen, heard, and understood.

Firstly - I want you to know you're not alone.. and it's a really, really common experience - and, yes, you're right, we can do better - and we want to do better.

So how?

Be present and patient with yourself..... And even as you read these words, I know you know this deep inside. 

So now - you might ask, "How can I be more present and patient with myself?". 

Be gentle with yourself.

Forgive yourself.

Give yourself grace.

Be kind to yourself. 

Take time for yourself.

Ask for help.

Have compassion.

Celebrate yourself.

Love on yourself.

Our ability to see, hear, and understand our children, to meet them with presence, and patience, especially when they need it most - is directly correlated to who we are for ourselves when we are hijacked. 

You can't give what you don't have.

You can't teach what you don't have within you. 

You can't guide, which you don't embody, and believe for you.

Love yourself enough to forgive yourself... and love yourself enough to trust yourself.

And Love yourself enough to do what it takes to have the confidence to hold yourself to account.

It starts with being patient and present with you - for you.

The cost of not doing this - I think you already know the cost.

It's just not about the disconnection with your children now.

It's the potential impact that they feel they can't count on anyone in the future, and that it's safe to do life all alone - and never know how it can feel safe to count on others and to be able to receive love and support from those they love.

It's what you go through. It's what you're unlearning.

We will never regret being more loving to ourselves.

We will regret spending a lot of our life in the energy of guilt, shame, not good enough, not worthy enough, and defending a reality that we are absolutely unlovable. 

Sending love,

Yummii xx

PS This is a 27 min training on how to be that present and patient parent.