How to be the best parent..

When I became a parent, other parents would say to me, "There is no manual on parenting.... and every child is so different."

What this showed me was that we had been conditioned to believe parenting is about "the child" and "the child only".

Before becoming a parent, I read many parenting books (Psychology to Spirituality to memoirs), and I talked to many parents, teenagers and young adults. 

I did a lot of "research". It was not because I was afraid or wanted to get it right. I didn't want to leave it to chance. 

My background was in High Performance, coaching teams, and leadership, so asking questions and wanting mastery was natural. 

There were a lot of common themes that came out when I spoke to other parents:

- "It's the "hardest job" in the world - and the most fulfilling."
(I didn't understand how a relationship could be a job) 

- "Your life is over, and you become really selfless - and it's all about the children."
(No thanks. I didn't choose to be a parent to have my life be about sacrifice)

- Teenagers would say A LOT, "I'm trying hard - however, it's never good enough, and they don't get me...I'm a failure and I'm a disappointment to them"
(I remember being that teenager too....)

There was a lot of discussion on sleep, feeding.. and everything was all about the day-to-day.

Here's what I know about ordinary vs extraordinary.

Ordinary - is accepting the status quo as your own.
Extraordinary is carving your own path and doing it in alignment with you.

What was great about the feedback and research was that it made my next step clear. 

Either create my own Vision for parenting OR be swept up in accepting everyone else's standard. 

I wanted to feel extraordinary as a mother. Anything less, wasn't an option.
I chose this. And I wanted to LOVE my choice. 

So I knew early on that there was a manual on parenting, which had nothing to do with the child.

And everything to do with me. 

What I believe in my Heart, and the depth of my being is that everyone wants to be an amazing parent. Everyone. 

Everyone who is a parent wants to be the best parent..... so why do we fall short?

Because we haven't taken the reigns to own that it is our Vision..... and we don't realise that it is a Spiritual relationship. 

In the first 52 weeks of Avery's life, I documented the following:
- What was challenging for me this week, and why?
- What am I celebrating about myself this week
- How did we grow as a couple, and what did I learn about Love?

Why did I do this? Because I knew if I obsessed about Avery - I would be obsessing over something that was out of my control.

What is in my control, is me.

My thoughts, my emotional state, my story, my perception, and how I show up.

And if I wanted motherhood to be extraordinary - I focus on what is in my control. 

**** (hint hint if your relationships aren't where you want them to be, if your finances or purpose isn't living up to what you know in your Heart to be true, it's the same framework. Focus on what is in your control - and it shall set you free) *****

And still, to this day - I don't seek love from my children (Because they show me A LOT of love when I give them chocolate and gifts, and they sulk and tell me to go away when they don't get their way ;) ... I'd be a very fragile human being if that's what I measured love on).

I seek to express my greatest understanding of Love to them. I seek to craft my expression of Motherhood. 

To be the best parent is to seek and live by the Highest expression of Love within you, for you.

I make mistakes. And I'm REALLY great at forgiving myself.

I get short, I yell, I forget things, I say things I don't mean.... AND I give myself grace and hold myself accountable to do better.

I know how to be kind to myself. Compassionate with myself. AND see my goodness and believe in my greatness.

And I take it a day at a time. 

What holds us back or the challenges we have in parenting have very little to do with the children and mostly to do with us.

- Being hard on ourselves
- Needing to be in control
- Perfectionism
- Doing, doing, doing
- Pushing, pushing, pushing
- Resentment
- Blame
- Obligation

And when I approach parenting this way - it becomes a Spiritual practice.

I am responsible for it. And I own it. I create it. 

And if I can do this in parenting, I can do this in my romantic relationships and in my business and all areas of life.

And that, my friends, is how we truly love our life. 

We love who we are, not because everyone around us does what we want... (I mean, if ONLY that were possible right?!?! LOL )... we love who we are because we know we aren't knocked around by anything - and we trust ourselves.... that no matter the circumstance, we can count on ourselves to show up with our Heart, with our Truth - and we can ALWAYS trust in that. 

When I became a mother, my life Quantum Leaped in ways I didn't know was possible.

And I believe our children are here to wake us up to our truth, the connection to our Divinity, and they DESPERATELY want us to be our best selves for ourselves... so we can be the best for them. 

So for me - if there is ANYTHING in my life that is threatening me to make my Heart harden or seducing me to lean into Fear over Faith - I confront it.

I'm telling you now - there is nothing that I back away from when Fear rises.

Why?

Because the Vision of me being the best parent I can be - lives in my Heart. 

And I want to be the best parent I can be. Not because my boys will give me that accolade.

I do. 

Having been at the receiving end of two parents who had 0 self-love for themselves and the Nobel Prize (if there was one) for self-sacrifice, obligation, and living life through your children - I would never want my children to experience what I went through.

Yes - my parents did the best they can - and it hurt. 

The unfair advantage in life is this.

How much you experienced love, trust in love, and could witness what it meant to live a life led by Love.

That's the greatest legacy and unfair advantage.

Your children want you to love you first. Before them.

They want you to be WINNING in your life. In all areas - and winning has nothing to do with the outcome - and everything to do with enjoying, having fun, and feeling the growth. 

For those of you who are on a Spiritual path and seeking a more Divine connection - it's right there... in your home.

Sending love,

Yummii xx

PS If you're feeling stuck in your Spirituality - "A Greater Understanding of Infinity" is a Masterclass that helped so many understand what's been blocking them. I hope it helps.