Forgiveness is big.
Without a relationship to "forgiveness", we don't have a relationship to Love.
Without understanding forgiveness, we are hindered in the way we love.
Have you ever made a mistake?
Here's the "truth" of what you need to accept about being human.
We're always going to make mistakes. There will be times when we fall short. There will be moments where we wish we did better.
AND we did the best we could with what we had at that moment.
It is accepting that we did the best we could, and when we know better, we can do better.
As a parent, as a lover, as a partner/ spouse - our job isn't to shield the ones we love from pain; it is to create space for them to have the courage to navigate their pain when it arises.
Forgiveness plays a BIG part in navigating this pain. If not, it is the start, the middle, and the end.
"I am my worst critic" - has been wildly accepted. We all buy into an unconscious agreement, and we nonchalantly wear it like a badge of honour.
The depth on which we are hard on ourselves, the expectations we place on ourselves, and the unconscious judgment are something we can choose to break free from.
If you don't do it for yourself - do it for the ones you love. Especially for your children.
If you are unable to know how to forgive yourself, it will be extremely hard for your child to believe they can forgive themselves when they have made a mistake.
Because forgiveness is about receivership, and forgiveness is energy.
We hang onto pain because we unconsciously believe we need to punish ourselves for our mistakes.
We were taught when we were growing up, "when you make a mistake, you need to be punished".... it was what our parents were taught... what our grandparents were taught... and then we pass it on.
Here is a powerful point of view I would love to invite you to consider.
When you make a mistake, it is giving yourself the grace and compassion of knowing you did the best you could with what you had -and when you know better, you will do better.
I have never seen anyone do better because they were punished by the ones they loved.
We think, "Forgiveness is about hanging onto the pain, hanging onto the memory, and going about life ignoring it ever happened.". That's not forgiveness.
Forgiveness is NOT "Yeah, it's ok - I'm all good"... and suppressing the pain and thinking "It'll work itself out" or "ignoring it".
You think you're ignoring it. Your heart and your body haven't. It's still very much ALIVE in your body.
When we forgive, the pain is released. We are no longer punishing ourselves. We are no longer buying into our own suffering. There is a deep sincerity for that past version of ourselves.
Forgiveness is to see with new eyes, mind, and heart.
Forgiveness liberates us from the fear of making another mistake.
Forgiveness allows us to create more trust in ourselves.
Forgiveness is receiving compassion for ourselves.
Forgiveness is self-love.
Without forgiving yourself and knowing the energetics of truly forgiving yourself - you'll never forgive another.... Your body holds grudges, resentment and the fear of being disappointed, and the other feels it too.
That's why couples "rehash" the past. They haven't moved beyond it.
Forgiveness isn't "letting them off the hook" or ourselves off the hook.
It isn't about "forgiving and not forgetting".
Forgiveness is genuinely seeing "anew".
There is a manual on parenting. In that manual would be a chapter on "Learning how to forgive yourself".
Being hard on yourself isn't helping anyone. Especially your children.
The younger your children are, the more they "feel" the energy with which you are harsh with yourself.
So... my invitation is this.
I invite you to tune into a past version of yourself that you're judging. A version of you which you continuously avoid, suppress, run away from.. and judge.
I invite you to meet this version, feel their pain at the time, hear them, understand them, take the time to be with them. They did their best at that moment in time.
And forgive. And if you find it hard to forgive yourself notice the judgments or narratives that come up.
....and when you're ready - forgive.
It's an invitation. Not a command.
Forgiveness is what will set you free. And only you can do that for yourself.
When you receive forgiveness to yourself from yourself, that is receivership. That is allowing your heart to let down its guard... and now, the pathway to wholeness opens.