Nothing to do with parenting...

Uncategorized Apr 28, 2021

Are you familiar with the Dark Night of the Soul?

In the last few weeks, Fear has visited...(and is still visiting!).    

I can tell. The last time I had insomnia was over 10 years ago.

When my sleep is out, I know the neural pathways, the old programming of anxiousness is coming up.

I haven't been able to sleep... It's consuming, it's heavy.. and it's this delicate line between feeling the feelings, and not being swallowed up by the emotional flooding.

There is knowing that Fear rises when it is ready to be released.

And... there's taking my own medicine and navigating that terrain of meeting the Fear with Love and releasing it.

I hold space for people...and in holding that space, it's a skill that's cultivated.

You can't hold that space for others if you can't hold it for yourself.

And.. the up levelling of it ... gets really hard.

It's like going through withdrawal symptoms as you unleash the addiction to the old.

Over the last few weeks, I've been connecting to my Higher Self...Asking her for guidance, releasing and surrendering my Fears.

She continues to say to me; "Faith.".

Maybe it's because I'm about to turn 40... and I'm grieving the release of the old me...

Or maybe I'm about to turn 40... and finally allowing myself to process the disappointment with what's happened between my parents and I...

Or maybe it's all of it... I have this "knowing" that I asked to be back here in this physical plane... and that it's my last time.

In this "knowing", there is doing what it takes to be living in Spirit and in purpose.

That purpose.

To be in Love with thy life.

Now.. this isn't rainbows and butterflies. It truly isn't.

To SHED and release all that which hinders our capacity to give and receive Love - it's intense.

Consistently asking the question; "Is this loving to me?" or "Is this loving for me?"...and "What would Love do?"...

I'll be honest.. in the last few weeks, there were moments I've said to myself; "F* U Love! I'm not listening."

It felt safer to be lonely than to trust Love.

Sometimes I just want to be my worst self and be ignorant about it. Truly.

It can get really really testing being radically self-responsible and knowing that "blame" or "being a victim" gets me nowhere.

I go into this adult-child mode and let myself have a tantrum. Avery is more mature than me in those moments!

...However, I can feel the up levelling.. because my healing sessions with clients have been profound. Right on. Succinct. Without them even saying anything to me about what they are going through.

Because it's all an acceptance and knowing of "We are energy".

AND... the more and more I release the bonds of unconsciously placing my worth on other people, places and things.. and trusting myself to turn inwards... I feel like vomiting.

The purge is insane.

The awareness of the addiction is humbling as it is confronting. Withdrawals.

The art of harmonising and integrating the gifts of 3D and 5D reality is such a dance..

Reminding myself to be grounded, embodied, and integrate.

The depth of accepting "I'm an infinite Spiritual being, having a human experience" is INSANE! - Anyone relate?!

A few weeks ago, I shared about our shadows on my personal Facebook page.

There are shadows that are coming up that I had transcended... and wow..

There's always more. Love is truly infinite huh?

And to understand that Love is truly infinite - The acceptance of Fear is too.

Wholeness is making space for all of it.

That's how the Universe expands. That's how Love expands... and the moments that I forget who I am.. and I'm in my limited self... I'm in the self that is restricted to my 5 sense... I say; "I'm over expansion."

I go over to John... share with him how much "I'm over it..!" And he cuddles me. Laughs.

And says... "I know you don't mean that."

Touche.

So here I am - releasing thoughts on "The Dark Night of the Soul". Sitting in it, feeling in it.... and wow.. I feel sick.

Can you send me some love?

I'll receive it.

I can't wait to share with you the process of Liberation. I know it's waiting for me - on the other side. 😉

So till then, I'll continue to surrender to "Faith". My Higher Self always shows me the way.

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