Last week I shared about Avery navigating anger and connection. If you missed it, you can read it here:
I had a lot of feedback and the question was asked; "Do you ever get angry?"
The answer is YES! Of course, I do.
Another question was; "How do I teach what Avery does to my children?"
The answer is HEAL.
The other reveal that was shared was this.
"Yummii, I have so much rage. I don't like who I am in the moment... and I know I'm taking it out on the children... and now what?".
Before I answer that question... I want to share a few ideas.
Being a parent is a gift to returning to our wholeness.
To discover more love for ourselves... for how we love ourselves is how we love others.
As a parent, the parent our children needed yesterday, is going to be different to the parent they need today. As a parent, there is a beautiful gift of practising being in the unknown and watching our patterns and addictions to the known.
All that is out of alignment within us, it's mirrored to us by the way we show up with our children.
The hardest part about parenting is this. Being the parent your child needs.
Because to be the parent your child needs, you need to be the parent you needed (healing the inner child), and choosing to have a grander vision of Love (forgiveness and healing your past), and having a relationship to your Higher Self.
I had a call with a mother recently where she shared she would spank and hit her kids out of rage - and it wasn't what she wanted. It was how she was raised... and somehow, the rage just takes over. This is so common.
I have parents that share with me "I was spanked - and even though I don't agree with it, I do it to my children. How else can I discipline them?"
So how do we heal this rage?
The rage is communicating a deep need. Underneath rage and anger is sadness.
To heal the rage, we are to heal the inner child that was overcome with such deep sadness, to forgive our parents and really feel that they did the best they could with what they had and free ourselves from unconsciously yearning it for to have been different, meet that inner-child within, and feel her pain.
To heal the rage, we have to meet it.
The reason people act out from rage is that the feeling gets too much and they want to suppress it, run away from it, do anything to shift the attention away from the rage - even if it means acting out from the rage and it hurts another.
The more we avoid it, the more it consumes us.
In order to heal our rage, we must feel it. There is no other way.
We must learn to be the observer, the witness.
We are to meet this Fear, with Love.
The place where people get it slightly wrong is they are sitting and meeting their feelings from the same level of mind and heart.
Would you ever have a crying 3-year-old console another crying 3-year-old?
Would you ever have a raging teenager console another raging teenager?
The answer might seem obvious.. therefore... the "you" that is to sit with your rage cannot be the same "you" that is feeling it.
The mind that creates the problem cannot be the same mind that solves it.
The "you" that is to heal your rage, is to be a version of you that is so connected, so whole, so safe so that energy can arise - and therefore move through and be liberated.
I call this accessing a Higher level of mind and a Higher level of heart. Your HIGHEST SELF.
We ALL have it. We ALL know this self. We recognise this self. It feels like "home".
I find relationships and parenting so interesting as these areas are FUNDAMENTAL to our experience of life and we somehow place an unconscious expectation that we should "know" what to do. Nothing could be further from the truth.
Learning how to Love, learning to be whole, learning to heal is definitely not a solo journey AND it is something that is to be cultivated and nourished.
Yes, we all have the seed of Love - however that seed only grows and expands to the capacity in which we understand it and follow through on what it needs.