Shouldn't you have life figured out by now?

"Shouldn't we have things figured out by now?! We're in our 40s... why do I still feel this way...?! I thought by now I would be more confident and feel at ease..."

Shared one of my closest friends. Highly successful. Top of her field. She manages a Global Team around the world. She works directly with the CEO of one of the top Investment firms in the world. 

"I still feel the same as I was in my 20s and feel like I need to prove myself!.... How did you stop caring about what people think?" she asked.

I started laughing.

Truth is - I still care what people think... however I don't place any importance on my thinking about what people think.... and I don't give it life. It's a fleeting thought.

What I think about myself, how I feel about myself has more weight, more importance and is the highest priority - over everyone's opinion of me.

Caring about what others thought of me and living life based on what others thought - almost led me to take my life when it got too much.

That was my cost....and if I continued... I may have eventually taken my life.

I invite you on this distinction.

Caring about what others think of you isn't the problem.

It is taking action or NOT taking action from here and living from this place so that you get their approval, validation, acceptance, and belonging that's the problem.

The more importance I placed on what others thought of me OVER what I thought of me - led me to make choices that weren't aligned with my highest and greatest good....and when I use someone else's Mind as my navigational system in life - I'm in trouble.

As are you.

You'll never feel at ease, you'll never feel safe to be you, you'll never feel it's ok to be you - for as long as you live your life using someone else's Mind as your navigation system and north-star. 

The Game of Life isn't meant for you to feel like a fraud or feel uncomfortable within yourself. That's not why we're here. The fake it till you make it - No good can come from this place.

Living in the state of feeling like an imposter or a fraud has you love yourself less.

Because you had to be someone you're not to feel belonging and accepted... vs belonging and accepted for who you truly are. 

And if you feel unease or have a lack of self-trust in the pursuit of doing what has you come ALIVE - it's time to pause and reflect on how you are playing this game of life.

Who is in the driver's seat of your life?
Your mother's voice?
Your father's voice?
Your Inner-Wounded child that felt so invisible, unloved, unworthy and that she didn't matter?
Your ex?
Your partner?
Your boss?

The ONLY person that is worthy of being in the driver's seat of your life, is YOU. The TRUE you.

For the first 29 years of my life, I had NO idea who I was...My view on life was "I'm here to exist to make everyone else love me and proud of me...".

My father, my mother, and all the versions of my younger self that was "broken" was in the driver's seat of my life. 

I was desperate to belong. Desperate to fit in. And desperate to be loved.

And I would do everything to get that - including compromising who I was...and abandoning myself.

The "wake-up" moment was when I started telling the truth to myself.

And these were hard truths. I took radical responsibility for my part. 100%. 

I didn't want to get married to my ex-husband. And I got married because I thought that's what you should do when you are with someone... and I didn't want to add to my list of failed relationships.

There were so many times I broke off the engagement (I didn't even have a wedding dress 3 weeks before the wedding date)... and I didn't follow through on my intuition because I didn't trust myself.

And... I would never forget that experience in my being, in my Heart, in my soul when we were standing there exchanging vows.

No part of me felt this was right....and I still went ahead with it.

It wasn't him. We were wrong from the start. I really wanted to make it work - and I think there was a part of him that did too.

I didn't know, I didn't know this was going on.

I had no idea... I had no discernment or awareness.

It wasn't just him. It was in every choice I made. I chose Logic (other people's logic) OVER  my own intuition.

This was rampant everywhere in my life.

When we live life this way, it's like getting a dress 2 sizes too small... and forcing yourself into it....it suffocates the life out of you, it feels uncomfortable... and you will never feel like it's meant for you.

AND you have no concept that you DON'T need to wear this dress... or that you can actually wear a dress that makes you comfortable to be you. 

That's how life felt when I lived for others.

Everything I did - was for others.....Their approval, their validation, their love, their attention.

AND as long as you or I continue to do that - you will never have peace within your soul.

The "confidence" will never come.
The "ease" will never be there.

The feeling that Life's here for you, Life's got you, and the Universe has your back... will never be attainable for as long as someone else's opinion, judgement, and expectation of you has a higher priority than what you want for yourself.

Now... I'm not saying we should all be selfish and absolutely disregard other people....

When you start loving yourself, when you start living from your Heart - what is not true for you falls away....and Love is powerful and expansive. It adds to Life - it doesn't take away from it.

What is true for you cannot be broken.

Because "truth" of the Highest and greatest good cannot be broken.

The clarity that comes from "truth" has you simplify your life.

It also gives you space to make what matters, to truly matter.

So it's not that I don't care what others think... I don't care that I don't care about the thought I have when I am thinking about what other's think.

It's fleeting. AND I don't take action, or I'm not inaction from this place. 

I put my care, and I direct the care towards "What is for my Highest and greatest good?"... and "Does this have me love myself more? and therefore Love others better?".

Because I know I'm here for Love.

I'm here to Love life. I believe this is the Highest Purpose. TO be in Love with who you are... To be in Love with your Life.

And this is why we feel unease or that we can't be free to be ourselves. We think we need to prove ourselves in Life - it can't be as simple as "loving" who we are.

YET - Loving who you are is the HARDEST thing you'll ever embark on.

Because... Loving who you are means you might make a choice that goes against what is expected of you, what is wanted for you, and what others believe for you.

And I'm telling you....99% of the world values the status quo and the connection to others OVER their connection to themselves when they are at this edge.

And if the connection and belonging to others is more important - we will continue to be guided by this even if it means compromising and abandoning ourselves.

....and that's why so many feel unease within themselves. They don't trust coming home to themselves.

Life isn't something to be figured out. It's not a puzzle, nor is it a challenge or a problem.

Life is to be lived... and we are alive when we are most in our Hearts....Think about it... you are alive because you have a Heartbeat. Once your Heart stops beating... you cannot exist in this physical form.

....so why is it that we take this point for granted? Why do we not make choices that allow our Heart to beat because we are so ALIVE?

We love ourselves when we love the choices we make.
When we love the choices we make, we are more connected to our Hearts.
And when we are so connected to our Hearts, we feel more alive.
And so the cycle of expansion flows.

The BIGGEST difference that would move the needle in your family life, in your relationships, and in having the Universe have your back is this.

Learn how to love yourself well. 
And allow yourself to make it a priority to love yourself well.

So... Highly successful and not feeling completely at ease with life?
Ask, Who is in the driver's seat?
...and what can you do to love yourself better? 

The idea of Avery and Brooklyn, being in their 40s and questioning their value, of feeling unease with themselves and life, breaks my Heart.

I know I don't have power in the choices... and I know, I have influence.
And my influence is not in what I say, it's in who I am for myself.

So loving myself well - isn't a nice to have or optional. It's my non-negotiable.

I hope it becomes a non-negotiable for you too.

Sending love,
Yummii xx