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Once upon a time, I was always disgusted with myself. I didn't know and I didn't think I was... it wasn't something I was conscious or aware of.
It just felt "normal".
I was constantly criticising myself, judging myself, berating myself... it was the voice in my head that would say things like;
"You're so stupid! Don't know you know any better?!"
"You made a mistake - AGAIN!?"
"No-body will ever love you..."
And on and on it went - and I had NO idea.. until I sat in a self-development seminar in my late 20s, and the seminar leader shared about a "voice in our head".
At first, I thought, "what voice?"... And then the seminar leader said... "It is the voice that just said, what voice?".
I never thought this voice wasn't mine. I thought it was mine.
This was the start of me understanding I am not my thoughts. I am not my emotions. And most importantly, I'm not the voice inside my head.
What I came to realise was that this voice directed what I perceived about myself and about life. When I gave this voice power, it owned my perception of the world and how I would see it.
I recognised this voice within me was always looking for what's wrong.
It was looking for where I wasn't enough.
And it was on the hunt for what's going to go wrong.
It was looking for evidence, relentlessly looking for evidence, and collecting it to support the story that was the basis of my identity.
You. Are. Not. Wanted. And. You. Are. A. Mistake.
Want to know the one thing I shifted that allowed me to change this identity?
I'm about to tell you the key to transformation - and you won't believe it, and you may not accept that it is this simple, and what I'm most afraid of - is that you'll reject it.
I hope you don't.
The one thing that I shifted that allowed me to change this identity?
I stopped looking for evidence on not being wanted and not being a mistake.
And I started collecting evidence on that I am Love.
Now, you're wondering - and? Is it that it?
Yep. It really is.
Everyday, I would journal and I would write down what was loving to me. I would document "what would love do?". I would put all my effort, energy, and direct my attention towards "I am lovable" and away from "You are not wanted and you are a mistake,"
Because I knew 1 thing about transformation.
You'll always find what you're looking for.
We are biased human beings. Far from objective ;)
Just look at your googling behaviour.
When you are unwell - are you collecting evidence on google and looking for evidence to support that you'll get better or are you collecting evidence and googling for how disastrous and the worst case scenario this illness is going to be?
As Anais Nin says, "We don't see the world as it is. We see the world as we are."
And this is the secret to loving relationships, this is the secret to abundance, this is the secret to creating a life of fulfillment and living your best life.
Taking ownership of your perception - in Mind, Body, and Spirit.
If you looking for disconnection in your relationship. You'll find it.
If you look for satisfaction in your relationship. You'll find it.
If you look for where you are falling short. You'll find it.
And if you look for what you've done well and are celebrating yourself. You'll find it.
We always find what we are looking for - just most of the time, we don't question what we are looking for.
If you are wired, to look for what's wrong with you, no course, retreat, mentor, therapy will work - because you are biased in being attached to "what's wrong with me and why isn't it working?"
Human beings are powerful beyond measure - yet we have no idea how to use this power; we direct this power in ways that aren't loving to us... and we haven't been taught how to harness this power that's within us towards creation and supporting our lives.
That power starts with believing in Love within ourselves. And you unlock that power when you are connected to your Heart.
Infinite intelligence, Infinite possibilities, and Infinite potentials are accessed via the Heart.
And it is only from the Heart that you will believe and have faith that you are the Master of your Fate, and the Captain of your Soul and you'll break free from believing that voice inside your Head is you.
You are not that voice.
As a parent, our voice becomes our children's self-talk. Yet if "our voice" is the voice that is unloving, unkind, hard, relentless, and discouraging, we will pass on the voice inside our head to our children.
Your true voice, your true self - doesn't live in your Head.
Your most authentic self - is in your Heart.
And when you take ownership of your perception, what you are taking ownership of is meeting life with your Heart, seeing with your Heart, hearing with your Heart, understanding with your Heart, and bringing your Heart to the table.
Shifting the way you see the world from your Head to your Heart - and having your Heart look for evidence to support the truth of who you are - that's the path of transformation.
So here's my challenge for you.
Everyday for the next 21 days, in your journal, collect evidence.
Write down 5 things that you did that were loving to you.
or 5 things that happened where it felt safe to receive love.
Try the experiment. The worse that can happen - nothing. You stay the same.
The best, you start opening yourself up to feel safe in Love and receivership.
Sending love,
Yummii xx
PS Write to me. Do the experiment and share with me what you discover about yourself!
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