When does it get easier?

Uncategorized Feb 11, 2021

Are you thinking; "When does it get easier?"

It doesn't. 

I get it. You're spent. You're feeling unseen. It feels relentless. The dream of being a parent isn't playing out the way you envisioned it. Who would have thought you would be so triggered, so defeated, and feel disconnected inside.

You are consumed with guilt and consumed by shame. Worried that you're screwing them over. You're on high-alert like you've never been before... and it's bittersweet.

There are moments of "What's this all for?".. and feeling as though you're too far gone in this parenting game to change. 

The worst of you shows up. The yelling. The loss of control. The impatience. The temper. The resentment. 

.... and what adds more fuel - the self-loathing, the comparison, the judgement. 

So here's the truth, it doesn't get easier.

It doesn't get easier as each day goes by, and you continue to think your children are responsible for your internal state. 

It doesn't get easier as each day goes by and you continue to betray your "self" with "neglect".

It doesn't get easier as each day goes by, and you're adding to the disconnection by avoiding your family life behind being busy at work.

It doesn't get easier as each day goes by, and you continue to live out from the wounds that continuously remind you of your fractured relationship with your parents. 

The relief you are looking isn't found in your children getting older and being more self-sufficient.

The relief can only be found within you. 

And until you can really understand this about parenting, it doesn't get any easier.

Your triggers are yours. And this may sound harsh - however your crying baby, your screaming toddler, your angry adolescent, or your rebellious teen - they really aren't waking up every morning and thinking; "I'm going to p!$$ my parents off today...".

That's not their agenda. 

Just pause and think about it... Is it really personal what they are doing? OR are you just taking it personally when it's not?

They can't make you mad. They can't make you angry. They can't make you yell. They can't make you sacrifice. 

Because if they really had control on making you something - they would make you happy. 

That's what our children want for us. A parent that is "full" and "overflowing".

Most parents ask me "parenting tips". The parenting tips are only as effective as your inner world. That's why tips can only work to a certain degree - and then they don't. 

There are only three places you're parenting from. The wounded inner-child who didn't get the love they needed as a child; the depleted adult who is unconsciously controlled by Fear; and your Higher-Self - the highest part of you that is whole and expansive, choosing to be led by Love.

The mastery in parenting is having dominion from the state in which we're parenting.

The wounded inner-child and the depleted adult will always ask; "Does this get any easier?". Because you make it about you. 

The Higher-Self asks a different question. The Higher-Self asks; "How's my heart?".

It is that simple. 

The hardest part is doing the real work - and the actual work in parenting has very minimal to do with your children. 

Your relationship. Your pattern in relationships. Is that something you want your child to inherit?

Your self-esteem - how about that? Is that something you want to pass on?

Can you ask for what you need? Can you hold boundaries? Are you able to be vulnerable and courageous?.....Because your child isn't going to do what you say, they do what they see.

And the reason it isn't easy - is because they are a mirror, reflecting right back to you, all the fractured parts of yourself that you judge, ignore, and don't want to deal with. 

So where to now? Here are 3 steps.

1. Find someone that can hold space for you to feel the feelings. So you can unleash. So you can let go. So you can stop trying to keep it all together. A space that is safe and free of judgement.

2. You're at your edge. What is predictable is you're going to take it out on your child, or you're going to take radical self-responsibility. The latter is where you liberate. No-one can heal for you, and no-one can go through the metamorphosis of facing their demons but you.

3. Heal your inner-child. Heal the emotional resonance that lives in your body. 

So ... You can continue to ask "When does it get easier?", and learn to be comfortable with the fractured experience... OR start recognising, that the only thing that will shift this is you. 

I'm sending you love, and I hope to be a part of your healing journey. Reach out and let me know what challenges you're facing. If I can help, I will.

You're not meant to heal on this journey, alone. 

Close

50% Complete

JOIN A NEW WAVE OF MOTHERHOOD.
Subscribe to weekly soulful conversations, be notified about brand new masterclasses on parenting and love, and be the first to know when The Motherhood Mindset is available for registration.
**Receive a free guide: "5 Ways to Prepare your Mindset for Motherhood"