|
There are 4 places in which we show "Love" in our families, to ourselves, and how we show up in life.
1. Our Inner Wounded Child.
2. Our Depleted experience of Self.
3. Wholeness.
4. Our Highest Self.
In Wholeness and our Highest Self, we are guided by the following intention.
My intention is to be a safe space.
My intention is for connection.
That's it. In Wholeness and our Highest Self, we are present.
We are in the moment - and we are guided by the moment VERSUS what our Mind tells us what needs to be done, where we need to be, and trying to fight off the anxiety and fear.
If we are worried - we're in Fear.
If we need to "fix" - we're in Fear.
If we are anxious - we're in Fear.
If we want to adjust their behaviour - we're in Fear.
If we are judging their reaction - we're in Fear.
If we are judging our own reaction - we're in Fear.
If we are frustrated and acting from our frustration - we're in Fear.
If we are guilty - we're in Fear.
If we feel responsible for how they are feeling - we're in Fear.
If we are blaming - we're in Fear.
If we feel "I'm doing so much and no one appreciates me", - we're in Fear.
Fear is all about survival. It doesn't care about connection.
Fear has an agenda - and Fear is about "win-lose".
Fear has the other person be the problem, or that you're the problem - not recognising that both people are on the same team.
Your child wants connection with you. No-child, no matter the age, from 6 to 21 - even if they are angry at you - they want connection. The anger is a mask for the deep sadness they are SO afraid to meet - because they feel you can't carry their sadness from a safe place.
Loving from a place of Fear - is not Love.
The problem, most of us have been taught that "it is Love".
Fear is always seeing something is wrong, something needs to be done, something needs to happen....
It is the equivalent of going on a date with someone at the fanciest restaurant, and they are constantly checking their phone. You feel ignored, you feel unwanted, and you don't feel important. You're sitting there thinking... "Why bother?!".... and they're thinking - "HEY! Do you know how hard it was to get a booking here?! And I have to work so hard so I can pay for things like this!".
You really don't care about the fancy dinner. You just want the connection.
That's why parents think, "I send you to the best schools, I work so hard for you for a private education, I do ALL of this for you...." ...and yet all your child is needing is "connection".
When we can get all the cells in our being, every single cell, to understand Love is seeing the other, feeling the other, and understanding the other - and everything else is Fear - we will have healthier relationships.
Relationships where it's no longer about proving ourselves. Being a Martyr and saving the other. Or walking on eggshells to keep the peace and compromise.
There is nothing LOVING about settling, compromising, hiding yourself, and not asking for what you want.
Where you LOVE from matters.
If you're loving from your Inner Wounded Child, or the Depleted experience of yourself (the experience of not much in the tank), you're loving from your Mind.
It's all about the doing, the being busy, the logic, the fear of missing out, the schedules, the obedience.... The person you're in a relationship with won't ever experience being seen, heard or understood when you're "Loving" from this place.
The only thing this place creates is disconnection, and a hardened Heart, the armour stays on, and everyone feels jaded, guarded and on edge.
If you're loving from a place of Wholeness and your Highest Self, you're loving from your Heart.
In this place, the intention is to create a safe space for each other and meet each other where we're at. The intention is about slowing down and getting to the Heart of the matter versus reacting to the Heat of the moment. From this place, we have the courage to speak our "reality" free from being gripped by the Fear of a Loss of Love - and we are committed to something greater.
This is the ONLY place where safety and connection live.
This is the only place where you will be at peace with yourself - and free to be yourself. As is the other.
If Love were really that easy - we wouldn't have the challenges we have today in families, relationships, and within ourselves.
I'll be honest, to Love from a place of Wholeness and our Higher Self goes against EVERYTHING our Modern Society has set up for families.
Families have never been busier. Parents have never felt more pressure. And the race (I have no idea why people feel like they are racing) for more and more and more - and not pausing to reflect on "Is this in alignment?" has people compromise the thing they know to be true in their Hearts.
So... If living your best life matters, being the best version of yourself matters, and being able to be the parent you want to be, or creating the family life you know in your Heart to be possible...
Start recognising where you're loving from and then consciously choose to give Love from a place of Wholeheartedness and your Highest Self.
How do you know where you're loving from? Simple?
The moment you have an agenda - you're in your Mind and not your Heart.
Love feels safe. Love feels powerful. Love is connection.
If what you say and how you show up jeopardises the experience of safety for both parties in the relationship and compromises the connection - you know it's Fear.
We aren't always going to be in our Heart and our Higher Self - and who is to say that's not a possibility for 80% - 90% of our lives?!
IF FEAR runs your life, why wouldn't it be possible to have LOVE run your life?!
The only limitation - is your belief, what you do, and what you say.
It's unloving to you to believe that this is as good as it gets for you OR that you're really trying and you must be an anomaly and so special that you are the only broken person in the Universe.
You're special. You're unique. And not because you're broken.
Sending love,
Yummii xx
|
