"Who is putting me to bed tonight?"...Avery asks
"Who do you want to put to bed tonight?" I reply
"The person that got angry the most today!" He starts giggling and smiling
I asked, "Why the person that got angry the most today?".
"Because.. we need connection." He responds.
At this moment - I'm so present to the magic of generational healing.
A few days ago I read this from my dear mentor and coach:
"Just witnessed my daughter say something to my husband that I could never say to my Dad. The healing generations thing is so profound."
Growing up I was afraid of my dad. Terrified.
I believed he loved me - and I also didn't feel like I had a voice.
I felt invisible..and I didn't feel that experience of "belonging".
Whenever he got angry, I felt it was my fault.
That I was to blame and I was responsible for his anger... and therefore the generational belief that was handed down is this:
"I'm responsible for everyone's emotions".
This is a heavy burden to bear. And I know I'm not unique.
It's such a subtle wound that plays out in our relationships.
If we feel that we are responsible for someone else's emotions, then we are subconsciously believing that other people are responsible for our emotional state.
Herein' lies "victimhood". Pause and think about it...
IF one is to believe, that "My child's, my spouse, my partner's or my parent's happiness is my responsibility..." doesn't that mean there is an equal and opposite belief that is also playing out?
...Something like; "My happiness is based on someone else or something else external to me."
Blaming another and being a victim go hand-in-hand.
Within these two realms, there is no sense of belonging - and therefore no sense of being a co-creator.
For one cannot feel seen and have a sense of belonging if we're either walking on eggshells or feeling such guilt and shame that we can't make another happy.
I never knew how to "reconnect" with my dad when he was angry.
I was terrified and fearful.... And the practice of reconnection after disconnection is the practice that's going to alter relationships for future generations.
As a parent - this is the healing (and in what I teach, healing has nothing to do with fixing).
When Avery expressed what he expressed, I was so proud.
Of John, of me, of Avery, of our family.
I felt so much love for the version of John and me that are taking steps to heal our conditioning.
There was no way I would have been able to walk up to my dad, ask for what I needed, and shared my longing for reconnection.
So... the intention of this post is this.
The moment you start taking ownership of how you show up with your children and your loved ones, you liberate your children from unconscious generational patterns of loneliness, feeling unseen, and the experience of not belonging....and in the process, you're now free.
Check-in with your children.
They'll let you know when they have felt invisible and unseen.
If they shrug and don't know how to answer... It's a sign that repair and reconnection are needed.